Dear … anxiety

Anxiety takes form in different ways. Whether it’s your perfectionism influencing your need to be in control of everything in your immediate vicinity (whilst internally you’re panicking), painful spikes of disassociation as you’re frozen but your brain is racing, or not knowing your flight response was triggered until you’re in a safe environment emotionally breaking down.

It’s being tense and shallow breathing and the rapid calculations of the quickest way out. It’s the constant twirling of the rings on the hand. The jittering of the leg.

Quite often, this anxiety struggle is below the tip of the iceberg that is our public persona. If you know the tells, you’ll probably see the anxiety peek through, but otherwise for the most time, it’s hidden. Because making it obvious to others attract attention and when you’re anxious, that’s the last thing you want.

That’s why it’s not as simple as “you shouldnt worry so much” or “oh, just come out – it isnt that hard”.

So be gentle and kind with others, for everyone is fighting a battle you may not know of.

Yours,

Sophia

xx

liebeheart-travel

Dear today

Today is a travel day. Today is the day of saying goodbye to one world and then saying hello to another.

Today is the start of feeling that slight bit of nostalgia in my heart as I leave one homeland, to arrive in another.

It is having to accept that your time is over, that it’s time to say your goodbyes, time to say until next time, it was fun spending time with you.

Today I’m heading home, but with a suitcase filled more than just clothes, books, and presents.

Today I’m heading home, heart full of memories. Memories of my mum’s laughter as we’re having a snowball fight, of gingerbread men and mulled wine, of the cold seeping through into my bones. Memories of the smell of oranges, cinnamon, and cloves, memories of the taste of homemade potato dumplings.

Memories of the smell of my grandmother’s cooking, of dinners shared with friends, both old and new.

Today I’m heading home with a heart full of love.

Yours,
Sophia x

Dear World

Dear world,

I’ll be honest – I’m struggling to write letters the past month or so. My best writing is when my heart is there, but lately, my writing has been for work.

But that’s not the main reason. I’m struggling because I doubt myself. I doubt my relevance, I doubt my ability to be meaningful.

Doubts that have filtered through to, well, my internal sharing filter. I hold back because I seem to have no concrete point so I ramble. Because of my tendency to ramble, I hold back in conversations.

Doubts that have me questioning my ‘right’ to share my struggles with others, because  I should be the strong person, and strong people don’t share their struggles.

Doubts that have me questioning my ‘right’ to contribute to the creative field. Despite being a creative person.

Doubts that let my inner nagging voice constantly ask me “What right do you have to contribute to this decision? You know nothing” or “Why didn’t you get this right? You should have gotten that right on the first try!”

So I did something, admittedly a while ago, that I’ve been holding back on – I started a Facebook page for this project. (It’s a bit empty, it needs a whole lot of love.) And honestly, I never fully understood the bigger reason why I felt I needed to be publishing letters on a public blog, or starting a (public) Facebook page.

Until yesterday. When I was sitting in front of the window staring out into the backyard, with my playlist of Passenger and Ed Sheeran playing in the background. When I realised that the whole “Liebe + Letters” project started from a love of writing letters, but it ended up in a journey of rediscovering myself. A journey of not letting that doubting, nagging little voice win.

Yours,
Sophia x